Helping couples to work better as a team

I often see couples who fight with one another and are unable to resolve their differences.

There are common patterns I see.

When solving problems, and both take the perceiving, “zoom out” or defused approach, then no action. Lots of brainstorming perhaps, but not enough action so this can be frustrating for both parties.

When one takes a “zoom out bigger picture” approach and the other takes a “zoom in focused obsessive/passionate” approach, then this can complement really well.  Think resus code blue in the hospital.  At least one person “zoom out” with the broader picture, hands behind their back and direct, while the rest can “zoom in” with various tasks. 

The problem is, when both are “zoomed in” and are super focused on an issue but in different ways, then it’s really hard to reconcile that isn’t it?

The issue may be around parenting, finance, where to live, who to include in the invitation list, big and small stuff around the house, to name a few.

The key is to know who to predominantly “zoom in”, and who to predominant “zoom out” in a given context. It’s a hard dance to get right for sure so holding space for each other’s failures is critical. Doing multiple takes are often required.

I wonder if you can relate…