Monday, March 18, 2024

Shifting from fear of failure to the growth mindset


As a Family Doctor, I often see how fear of failure can impact people’s lives in very unhealthy ways.

Often underlying this fear of failure is a deep belief that their self worth is solely linked to external measures like external achievements, looks or popularity. It’s easy to see how this has come to be through our schooling, upbringing, media, and Hollywood.

So how else can we process this feeling as it arises and as an alternative to the usual Fight, Flight, and Freeze responses?

One can use the ACE strategy from Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) to Acknowledge that conditioning/belief, and defusion from that belief at the same time. Connect with body sense/s to ground oneself in the present moment, and lastly, Engage with value based actions along with authenticity, workability, personal growth, meaning and purpose despite the challenges or possible failures.

This is to cultivate a “growth mindset” with those triggers rather than simply associating it with the Fight, Flight, or Freeze.

I wonder if you can relate….

Tuesday, February 13, 2024

The “Genie question” in counseling and coaching work


In counseling/coaching, when we ask people what they truly want in their life and the answer is, “I don’t know”, that “I don’t know” may come from a space of “being too realistic” or “a fear of being judged as a silly answer”.

One way around this is to ask the “genie question” because with the genie question, it’s from a space of possibility rather than probability. 

“If I am a Genie and I grant you one single wish, what will you ask for?”

It’s better for brainstorming and exploration to get unstuck.

I wonder if you know what I mean….

Wednesday, January 17, 2024

“Life is journey not destination.” Is that helpful?


Should we focus on our goals/destinations or the quality of our journeys towards those goals?

The argument is that if one focuses on the value/quality of that journey with workability in mind, and the goal as an aim, one may end up with that goal plus more perhaps.

Consider the goal is for aiming, and value/quality of our journey towards the goal, the primary focus.

The mistake that we can all fall into is to fuse with our goals too much, and not checking in with our values as we move towards those goals. This may at times, leads to actions that go against our values, and hence, may lead to inner disharmony, inner conflict and unhappiness.

Be careful of that trap….

Saturday, January 13, 2024

3 human needs to thrive


In life, when we have too much stability, certainty and routine with everyday being the same, it can lead to boredom and stagnancy.  Growth, newness, and creativity can then suffer. 

And at the same time, having too much newness and growth without good stability can create more chaos and drama.

Like a tree needing a balance of water, soil, water and sunlight to thrive, we as humans need stability (like soil), good relationship/connection (like water), and growth/newness (like sunlight). 

Too much of any one thing and not enough of another can cause problems.

So if a tree is not thriving, make sure it has a good balance of soil, water and sunlight.

For humans to thrive, we need a balance of stability, good relationships/connection, and a healthy dose of newness/growth/creativity.