Sunday, December 10, 2023

How to praise our children to lessen fear of failure

In counseling work, I often see a lot of folks who have been conditioned to be overly focused on achievements. If they achieve to their standards, they feel significant. When they don’t achieve to their standards, they feel terrible. Often, there’s a “fear of failure” because failure feels terrible to them. So this can lead to experiential avoidance, which can then ironically impact achievements in negative ways.

So in parenting, how can we help our children to be more focused on the process rather than just the end point, and through the focus on the process and it’s improvement, the end point is more likely to be achieved with less fear of failure?

In TripleP, we can use “descriptive praise” for helping us with this perhaps.

Avoid the trap of praising the 100% mark but more on the quality/values/process with which the child use to get to those marks.

“I am so proud of you Jonny for being you, putting in the effort, being curious, being brave in making mistakes and challenging yourself, being generous, teaching and helping your peers, showing humility, and following through with your commitment. Great effort.”

I wonder if this can help with the shift towards a more workable mindset …

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