Friday, July 23, 2021

Helping patients holding onto thoughts, values and beliefs with the right level of tightness


In counseling, we often have to help our patients learn how to hold their thoughts, values and beliefs with the “right amount of tightness”.

Not too lightly that they don’t care.

But not so tightly that they become overly “fused” or obsessed with it.

For example….

It can make a big difference between self reflection (holding thoughts relatively lightly) vs self critical (holding thoughts too tightly).

Tuesday, July 20, 2021

How to reconcile our belief around “I am not enough”


Self worth is an interesting thing. So many people we see suffer from the belief of “I am not good enough”, including those in our healthcare profession.

The question is, how do we measure our “self worth”?

Try and finish this sentence and the clues will be there.

I feel significant when…

If the answer is …

When I achieve
When I can help others
When I look good
When I am liked by others
When I am being approved by others

Then, these will make us vulnerable.

Try measuring our self worth through our intentions, being ourselves, authenticity, growth and learning too perhaps. Or simply hold our beliefs a little bit more lightly. Not too lightly that we don’t care. Not too tightly that we become overly obsessed with it.

It will make us less vulnerable.

Sunday, July 18, 2021

Do you suffer from compassion fatigue?


As Doctors, when we deal with a physical wound, what do we do?

We assess the situation. Sort out what we have to sort out. We clean it up. We dress it. We review it until it’s healed. We don’t take “the physical wound” home with us.

Same with sorting out our patient’s psychological wounds.

We assess the situation. Sort out what we have to sort out. We help our patients to “clean it up”.  We “dress it”. We review it until it’s healed. We don’t take the “psychological wounds” home with us.

Saturday, July 17, 2021

The importance of unconditional love in parenting


In parenting, one of the hardest things I see for parents, is to ensure that their children not to only have unconditional love, but to perceive unconditional love.

This enables the children to have the emotional connection and security to learn, grow, and have healthier relationships with less fight, flight, or freeze responses.

As parents, it’s so easy to inadvertently give our children the wrong impression that they are only loved if they achieve, look good, be a certain way, or conform in a certain way.

Unconditional love doesn’t mean that they can do whatever they like.

In actual fact, unconditional love allows one to be much more assertive and effective in boundary setting, without the cost of a relationship breakdown.