I often have to remind couples that the “end of the relationship” is not “the end” but more of a change in that relationship especially if kids are involved.
Couple counseling is about facilitating for a different, more adjusted relationship, whatever that may look like. Hopefully, it’s going to be together but not always. So together or apart, but “more adjusted” than the present situation perhaps.
Couples who struggle are ones that are very critical of each other, defensive in their reactions to each other, and are avoidant of conflict. These are innate fight/flight/freeze responses.
Ones that succeed are more accepting, acknowledging of each other, and more assertive in their actions, as opposed to being more aggressive or avoidant.
It’s not easy to achieve the above shift, so we are going to have to accept some failures “for now”.
If they don’t succeed “right now”, we may have planted the seed for success next time.