Thursday, February 11, 2021

Helping couples to resolve their conflict with less fight or flight

When working with couples who are struggling in their relationship, we often see the fight or flight responses at play very clearly, although they may not. It’s a relationship under stress.

There’s often the “fighter”, and the “flighter”.

Of course, sometimes we see two “fighters”, which can be quite dangerous and volatile. Sometimes we see two “flighters”, who may have essentially given up.

In couple counseling, through being more present, better understanding and emotional literacy, we try to help the “fighter” softens so that the “flighter” can reengage with less fear, and we try to help the “flighter” reengages so that the “fighter” do not misread the “flighter” as not caring, and softens.

This is done with safety in mind of course. Not easy, but definitely a worthwhile pursuit.

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