An important part of counseling is to help our patients with emotional regulation.
So what is emotional regulation?
I think emotional regulation is the ability to recognize and understand feelings, PLUS the ability to fuse, defuse, or detach from a feeling and at times, “fuse/attach” with another more helpful feeling to take action.
If feelings are the “gears” in the gear box, and defusion/detachment is the clutch, then great emotional regulation is the ability to use the gearbox like a Car Racer.
Different terrains require different gears, so different context require different feelings. Resolving conflict with feelings of love and compassion, will give you a totally different outcome to doing the same thing, but with feelings of anger and frustration.