In counseling, we often see patients whose lives are not in line with their values and expectations.
The bigger the gap, the bigger the stress it seems.
To close the gap, we only have 3 options.
- We can help them to find or create a life that is congruent with their values and expectations. It’s about making changes to the outside world i.e. the external locus of control OR
- We can help them to defuse/detach and change their values and expectations to be in line with their life. This is more about changing our internal world and how we perceive things i.e. the internal locus of control OR
- We can help them to work on both. This will probably give the best chance of “closing the gap”.
Whichever way, the first step is to have clarity around what those values and expectations actually are.
So the real question is, do we or our patients have clarity around those?