The 4 Smarts: Guiding Therapy Through Strengths and Blind Spots

In counseling work, I often see strengths and talents in people with the following 4 domains.

1. “Practical smart” with practicality. This is great for workability.
2. “Critical thinking smart” with accurate knowledge. This is great for truth seeking and innovating. 
3. “Social smart” with empathy. This is great for making others happy and outer harmony. 
4. “Self smart” with authenticity. This is great for making self happy and inner harmony. 

A hyperfocus or an over-indexation in one domain will come at the cost of the other/s.

For example, too much focus on social smart and making others happy may come at the cost of one’s own happiness.

Too much focus on self smart and making self happy may come at the cost of the happiness or approval of others.

Too much focus on practical smart and workability may come at the cost of scientific truth and integrity.

Too much focus on the strict scientific truth and integrity may come at the cost of workability in the real world.

And so on.

So part of counseling/coaching work is to value and embrace one’s strengths, and be aware and work on one’s weaknesses.

If one’s challenge is in the practical and critical thinking domain, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy CBT with structured problem solving, reality check, thought/fact challenge and behavioural change may help.

If one’s challenge is in the social domain, then social skill training and Interpersonal Therapy IPT may help better.

If one’s challenge is in the self smart domain with poor awareness of self and who we are, then Acceptance Commitment Therapy ACT may be the better fit.

If there is poor integration of all four domains, then Dialectical Behavioural Therapy DBT may help with that integration. 

I wonder if you have observed what I have observed or can relate to the above.

Referring our patients for Dialectical Behavioural Therapy but what is it?

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) teaches us that two things can be true at the same time.

Instead of falling into “either/or” thinking which creates psychological rigidity, DBT helps us move toward “both/and” thinking — allowing for psychological flexibility.

We don’t always have to choose one truth over the other. Sometimes, both can exist together.

💬 Examples of “Both/And” Thinking:

“I’m angry AND I still care about you.”
“I disagree with you AND I still respect you.”
“I’m not good with this AND I can still give it a go.”
“I acknowledge your point of view is true AND I acknowledge mine is true also.”
“I can see your perspective AND at the same time, this is my perspective, so how can we move forward with integrating both perspectives.”

💡 Why It Matters

This way of thinking helps us:

1. Understand our emotions more clearly

2. Communicate more calmly with less cognitive dissonance and inner conflict

3. Build stronger, more balanced relationships with others and ourselves 

🧠 DBT Skills Can Help You: 

1. Manage big emotions
2. Reduce impulsive reactions
3. Improve relationships
4. Build self-acceptance and acceptance of others

DBT is a powerful toolkit for anyone struggling with emotional ups and downs, anxiety, or relationship stress.

By holding two truths, we gain balance, clarity, and compassion — for ourselves and others.

Integrating the 4 Smarts for Success in Children with ASD/ADHD

I recently gave a talk for parents of children with ASD/ADHD at a school. The framework I used was something I’ve put together over time, drawing from an eclectic mix of ACT, CBT, and counseling work with individuals and families living with ADHD and ASD.

🔹 The 4 Smarts

1. Critical Thinking Smart – the ability to process information, reason, and solve problems. 

2. Practical Smart – the ability to apply knowledge in the real world, adapt to challenges, and make things work despite limited resources. 

3. Social Smart – the ability to connect with others, collaborate, and create harmony in relationships. 

4. Self Smart – the ability to understand yourself, pursue what matters, regulate emotions, and sustain well-being.  

What I’ve observed is that children with ASD/ADHD often show strengths in the “thinking smarts” (critical and practical). However, schools in the earlier stages may not nurture these strengths, and the subjects or tasks can feel irrelevant, leading to disengagement.

At the same time, many experience difficulties with the “feeling smarts” (social and self). These areas are crucial for building resilience, social skills, managing emotions, and sustaining motivation. When they’re not supported, disengagement can escalate into bigger challenges like depression and anxiety—both at school and at home.

By recognising and working across all four areas, parents, teachers, and professionals can help children not just to cope, but to grow in a balanced and sustainable way.

The 4 Smarts for True Success and Sustainability

Working “smarter” for success and sustainability requires the “4 Smarts”.

Critical Thinking Smart – the ability to gain good knowledge and process it through critical thinking.  This is factual truth and information integrity. 

Practical Smart – the ability to apply knowledge effectively in the real world, even with limited resources, external friction and limitations. 

Social Smart – the ability to foster harmony, support, and collaboration with others.

Self Smart – the ability to pursue what truly matters to you and your loved ones, to remain happy, content, and authentic despite external success. This is what ensures sustainability.

The challenge is that none of us are truly strong in all four domains. Strength in one often leads to a weakness in another. What matters is knowing where our strengths and deficits lie—this awareness itself is part of “Self Smart.” By recognising this, we can keep learning and collaborate with those whose strengths can complement our own.

A common pattern I see is people who excel at critical thinking, practical application, and/or social connection but neglect self-awareness. This often leads to burnout or unhappiness, even in the midst of great external success.

Ultimately, the goal is not just to be successful and help others, but also to be happy to give sustainability.