When Your Mind Becomes a Trap: How Shifting Roles Can Set You Free

In counseling work, one of the hardest thing for patients to embrace is the idea of “self as context” i.e. to step out or “zoom out” of your “identity/mindset/thoughts/feelings” in order to observe or shift your perspective on your current context.

It requires one to hold one’s “identity, mindset, thoughts and feelings” more lightly for psychological flexibility.

By seeing and experiencing it in a different way, it can help the individual to get unstuck from their current troubles and pivot.

It’s like your life is happening in a movie studio, and you are playing multiple roles in different movies and in different episodes.

One moment you are a Doctor. In another moment you are a husband, partner or wife. Another moment, you are a sister, brother, friend, impostor, employer, dad, mum, inner child, the “not good enough person” etc.

If you are unable to shift your mindset, identity, character or role, to be more congruent or more helpful for your context, you are in trouble.

An adjustment disorder may be the result.

More Than Achievement: Why Growth Matters Most

In counseling work, one of the most common pattern I see is, people linking their self worth or “happiness” to achievements.

But when we dig deeper, it’s more about personal growth rather than the objective achievements themselves. Achievements act like a kind of “proxy” for their personal growth journey. 

So for some who may have objectively achieved a lot, but if those achievements are stagnating or regressing, they can be deeply unhappy.

Whereas for some who may have achieved much less, but are growing or progressing, they can be very content and happy.

Growth or moving towards/progressing towards their values is a key strategy for better mental health.

I wonder if you can relate or see it in the people you are caring for.

Life’s Puzzle: 3 Keys to Finding Your Perfect Fit

In counseling work, it can be very useful to use “metaphoric truths” to explore abstract ideas and concepts relating to our life struggles.

I often see people with their context like a puzzle piece “matching up” with other puzzle pieces in their lives to create an ideal picture for themselves and the people they care about.

Some of these pieces seem to “click into” places spontaneously. Some require a bit of work to find the right match. Some even try to reshape their puzzle piece, or force their puzzle piece to match up with the bigger picture. We may call this “masking” perhaps. “Masking” is okay short term but can be problematic when “fake it until you make it” does not eventuate. Having said that, if it does “make it”, then good.

The challenge is that the puzzle pieces are not simple 2D pieces but more like 3D, and often dynamic and changing over time. What matches well today, may not match well at all tomorrow. It’s dynamic and messy.

So to succeed and thrive, one has to know:

1. One’s own puzzle piece very well.

2. The nature of the external puzzle pieces well.

3. The final picture of what they want to create or move towards.

Unmasking Your True Self: Navigating ADHD and ASD with Authenticity and Balance

When I work with folks who are struggling with ASHD or ASD, the term “masking” often come into the conversation.

So what is “masking” and why does it have a negative impact on our mental health?

In my mind, “masking” is when one cannot live a life true to oneself because when they do, it doesn’t work in their context. This can be conscious or unconscious. Masking comes with an “emotional debt”, and with excessive use, can lead to an “emotional bankruptcy” or burnout.

So what is the solution or strategy from a psychotherapy point of view?

Help our patients to clearly define their values and what matters to them, and to pursue a life truer to self and still make that workable in the external world.